I am tired! Yes, you heard me right. I'm tired. But once you read this article, you'll understand why.
For several years, I've been blaming it on middle age, iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, air pollution, water retention, saccharin, over eating, dieting, big feet, yellow wax build-up and a dozen or so other maladies that make you wonder if life is really worth living.
But now I find out that those things are not the cause of my being tired! I'm tired simply because I am overworked!
I have just figured out the breakdown of the currently employed people in this country and it has left me exhausted. It took quite a bit of studying and calculating on my part but I think I have it all figured out! I know where every single American is:
You see, the population of this country is right around 200 million people. 84 million are retired. That leaves 116 million people to do the work. Of that 116 million, 75 million are in school.
Naturally, they can not be counted on to work full-time. We are now down to 41 million people to do all of the work. Of this total, 22 million are employed by the federal government. That leaves us with 19 million left to do all of the work in the private sector.
Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leave just 15 million to do all of the work. Take from that number a total of 14,800,000 people who work for state and local government and that leaves us with only 200,000 people to do all of the work.
Now there are 199,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do all of the work: you and me! And you're just sitting here reading this stupid webpage!
No Wonder I'm so tired! Get to work!!